itsoktosay

October 3, 2012

Stop Depending On Them… They Aren’t Responsible

She said to me, “But he doesn’t tell me I’m pretty, he doesn’t compliment me anymore.” I said to her “He doesn’t need to tell you you’re pretty for you to feel pretty. You have to feel pretty all on your own. You can’t expect someone outside of you to provide your confidence and security in yourself. If you give them the power to make you feel good, you also give them the power to make you feel bad. Keep your power.”

Sometimes we search outside of ourselves when what we really need to do is look within. It doesn’t matter if a million people tell you what it is you think you want to hear, if you don’t feel it within then what they say doesn’t matter. And even more importantly… STOP looking outside of yourself for validation, and dig a little deeper within. You have everything you need. The answers are there. Your confidence is there. Your happiness is there. No one outside of you can make you feel anyway about yourself. If you feel insecure, inferior, or simply not good enough, it’s not because someone made you feel that way, it’s because you ALREADY felt that way. Often we like to blame everyone else and hold others responsible for the way we feel within. Reality is, that’s NOT their job. They owe you nothing. It’s not your significant other, friend, mother, father, child, brother, sister etc. place to make you feel good. If you place that kind of responsibility on someone, they will let you down every time because it’s not their job. And when they let you down (many times unintentionally) you say, I don’t like you, you’re not what I want, you need to change, you don’t love me… that’s quite a burden to place upon someone, don’t you think? Your happiness, confidence, security, and your life in general is solely your responsibility. It wasn’t he, she, or it that made you feel good within, they were merely a reflection of how you were already feeling. You can’t look to someone else to make you whole.

If you’re feeling a little empty on the inside, your next move shouldn’t be to jump into a relationship, or call someone up to curse them out for making you feel not so good about yourself. Solitude is invaluable at a time like this. Show a little compassion towards yourself. Be patient and be willing to dig a little deeper within. You have plenty to be happy about, and you’re more in love and confident about your self than you know.

April 22, 2012

Stop Waiting and Start Living

Stop waiting and start living…

I like to live by those words. I remember being one of those people who sat around waiting for the “good stuff” to happen? Waiting around, twiddling my thumbs awaiting the next big thing, or a life changing moment. Leaving clothes on hangers, shoes in shoe boxes, makeup not touched, champagne flutes on the top shelf positioned off towards the back of the cabinet, untouched. Rushing through the week, anxiously awaiting the weekend. Holding on to toxic relationships, waiting around for him to come to his senses ~~and realize how great I am~~. Sitting at work afraid to leave a job I hated until I found one that I enjoyed. Waiting until I had a bright idea strike me before I sat down at my computer to work on my manuscript. Whew… thank God that is no longer my reality. Living in fear and sitting on the sidelines watching life pass you by serves no purpose. Life is now! Let go of the thoughts that keep you living in a box.While you’re sitting around waiting on life to happen, you’re withering away to a slow death, dying from the inside out… waiting on what you have the power to create. I’ve learned that there’s no such thing as a perfect time. There’s no such thing as the right moment. Every moment is right! Nowadays I have zero tolerance for excuses, laziness, negative thoughts, and comfort zones. You either got to own it, or own up to it. Everything that happens to you in your life is a reflection of your attitude and thoughts about you, your life, and life in general. It’s as simple as that. We like to complicate it, but it’s really nothing to over think. If you believe that life has to be hard, then a hard knock life is what you’ll have. If you believe you don’t have enough time, money, resources, and so forth, then you don’t. If you believe you have to wait until the stars and moon align before you can take a step in the direction you want to go, then so be it. But don’t complain about how hard it is, simply own up to the excuses you tell yourself to keep you in your comfort zone, and run along. How dare you expect anything grand when you think so small? How dare you hope for the perfect man or women, yet sit and complain about how few of them exist? How dare you sit and hope for this grand-scale lifestyle and penny-pinch at the same time? It just doesn’t add up. I don’t believe life has to be hard before it gets good. Let go of those limiting and pessimistic thoughts and attitudes. It’s all good now! Work with what you have now. Appreciate life now. Have fun now. What the hell are you waiting for? Who the hell are you waiting for? Live life now. Do what you love. Do what brings you joy. Make a decision now. Act now. Live now. It’s really all you have. Be happy.

1 comment

February 29, 2012

Just Take the First Step

Can I just take a moment to tell you how good God is? Just a moment.

Many of you already know I left my last gig in January to finish working on my second novel and take some time out for myself. It was a pretty bold move and if you want to know more about that, the story is here. Anyhow, I was hard at work on my second novel, a sequel to Don’t Tell Your Cousin, and every morning I woke up, I went straight to writing. Not once did I click on Indeed, Career Builder, or any other job site to apply for a job. My main priority was my novel. I literally spent the last of my dollars to get this novel published. I had paid rent for January, February and March, so I knew I had until April before things got a little tight. I had friends and family call and ask me how my job search was going and I’d laugh and say, “What search? I’m busy writing this novel.” I got a few chuckles, head shakes, and words of concern, but I continued doing what brought me joy –writing.

Fast forward to February 16th. I received an email from a guy at CBS, asking if I was available to come in for an interview on Tuesday, February 21st. I didn’t see this email until Saturday night (Feb. 18th) and I responded, letting him know that I was available. On Tuesday, I arrived at the Prudential building on time, and nailed the interview. Of course he had other candidates to interview, so I wasn’t certain that I’d end up with the job, but hey, at least I got a nice tour around CBS. Today I received a call, offering me the job (basically doing what I was doing at my last job, but with waaaaay more perks, opportunities, connects, & money), and I accepted it.

I’m telling you this, not to let you know that I got a job at CBS, but to remind you about that one little step of faith I took, by leaving my last job, with no idea of what was to come. Y’all don’t understand, I HAVEN’T APPLIED TO A JOB SINCE LAST YEAR! How did he find me? I don’t know! But what I do know is, God is beyond awesome!

All I did was take the first step in faith.

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February 2, 2012

Happy Birthday Gladys Santiago Kelly!

Two things:

First and foremost I wanted to wish my beautiful mother a HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! I miss her so much and I wish I could hug her, kiss her, plan a getaway with her, have dinner with her, send her flowers, pay her a visit, take her shopping, write her a letter, buy her somthing nice, tell her how much I love her…

But I can’t. She’s not here. She’s been gone since I was eight. And there isn’t a day that has gone by that I haven’t thought about her. I know she lives on through me, but… I just wish she was here. I never really knew what it felt like to have a mother. I mean, yes, I’ve had a step mother but as I mentioned in this post, no one will ever take the place of your parents. Be Grateful. Appreciate them. Love them and hold them close to your heart.

I LOVE YOU MOM! Happy Birthday!

P.s. Happy belated birthday to my Aunt Doris as well. I hope you and my mom are celebrating in heaven.

I decided to give away FREE (yes FREE!) copies of my book today! Get your copy from Amazon here

It’s a celebration! Thanks for celebrating with me…

Happy Birthday, Mom

January 25, 2012

Checking In

I justed wanted to take the time out to thank all of my readers for their love and support! I know I haven’t blogged lately, but it’s only because I’m hard at work on my second novel and I can’t wait to get it out to you all! I’m so excited about it. If you thought the first book was craaaaaaaazy, wait until you read the sequel! I bet you’re wondering what’s to come. You’ll know soon. To everyone who hasn’t read Don’t Tell Your Cousin, check it out and brace yourself for part 2!

Also, as many of you already know from my last post… I quit my job. Oddly, I’ve spent way more time working on my second novel than I have on Career Builder and Indeed in search of a new one. But hey, you have to do what makes you happy, right? I thank God for giving me the courage to step out on faith and leave behind a role that no longer served me. My first week without working a day job was absolutely fantastic! I don’t know where I’ll be in a couple of months, but worrying will serve me no purpose. Be blessed everyone. Live out your dreams.

XOXO,

Veronica

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December 31, 2011

I chose Happiness!

Yesterday I put in my resignation letter. I don’t have another job lined up nor did I become a best selling author overnight that somehow awarded me the luxury of quitting my job. I was simply sitting at my desk, tired, bored, drained and unfulfilled. I knew it was time to leave. I didn’t think it was fair to myself or the company to do “just enough to get by” and call it a day. I handled over a hundred accounts and the job is a very detailed oriented “give it all you got” type of position. Not only did I have supervisors and managers that I had to answer to, I had great relationships with branch managers (including a branch in Canada) and I didn’t want to do a half ass job managing their receivables. It just wasn’t fair. I knew it was time to move on from the company considering that my pay wasn’t absolutely through the roof either. I was settling and complacent even though I was tired of the cubicle life. I was more focused on finishing my second novel (the sequel to my first novel), than coming to work and being the best AR (accounts receivable) person I could be. But the real issue came when my nine to five issues started pouring over to other areas of my life. I came home drained and my creative juices weren’t flowing as much as they should’ve been. I was too tired to hop on the computer and write anything. I couldn’t focus on writing a book with this kind of energy and mindset. Forty hours a week is a hell of a lot of time to be sitting around doing something you don’t love or at least enjoy. I figured I would rather be working at an arts and crafts store (something not as strenuous and detailed) than a really heavy day job that would require too much detailed attention. Honestly I’m much too sociable and creative to be chained to a desk doing mundane task. I’d rather get out there and be around people or get involved with the community. I want to wake up every morning and write without the need for a day job. I’ve been with this company for six years (moved to Atlanta and came back) and it was simply time for me to part ways. The best thing of all is that it came from a peaceful place. I didn’t go to my manager complaining about the work environment and demanding a raise, I walked in her office with my resignation letter and told her the truth. I wasn’t focused. My heart and mind is on my book and I would rather give this position to someone who’s better suited to handle it. She totally understood and said I have a entrepreneurial spirit, totally respected my decision and that she was rooting for me and if I need any letters of recommendations or whatever, let her know. Her words were very encouraging. I thanked her and gave her a hug. It felt really good. I told her that I didn’t have another gig lined up and that I was stepping out on faith, and hopefully I won’t end up homeless and hungry since I’ll officially be a starving artist for awhile. We laughed. Nearly all of my friends and family told me I should’ve waited until I had another job lined up because “it’s hard out here, you know with the recession,” or “you should at least let them fire you and get unemployment.” And while I totally wholeheartedly understood their concerns, ~~Lord knows I’m scared as hell~~ I felt moved to act now despite the circumstances. I gave up my comfort zone and chose happiness… ~~and possibly homelessness, lol.~~

P.S. A special THANK YOU to all of my readers and everyone that has shown their support for my novel! I truly appreciate the support and I can’t wait to get the sequel out! Granted my electricity stays on long enough to get it completed.

“Take the first step in faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.”
- Martin Luther King Jr.

5 comments

November 23, 2011

Full of Myself

I’ve been having a whole lot of fun in the kitchen lately! I never thought in a million years I’d enjoy cooking, but I do. Mind you, this is coming from someone who learned how to fry chicken only a few posts ago.

You’d be surprised at some of the things you’ll find joy in doing when you start spending more time with yourself. I already mentioned I was single and taking some time out for myself. It’s going GREAT by the way, and I’m so at peace with myself. I hear other women complain about not having a man as if their lives depended on it. And I want to say to them, you might not have a man, but you have life…go live it up! Go discover yourself. Go shopping. Go for a bike ride. Go on a vacation. Go have dinner. Go to a movie. Go organize your closet. Go for a walk. Go to the spa. Go for a drive and turn the music up. Go grocery shopping and cook yourself a hearty feast, just because you deserve it! Find joy in where you are now, regardless of your circumstances, or relationship status. Some women rely heavily upon friendships and relationships because it helps escape being “with” yourself, even if those relationships are detrimental to them mentally and physically. And I’m here to say that when you fall in love with yourself others can’t help but fall in love with you too. Picture the woman who’s sitting around constantly complaining about her life, and how hard it is to find a man, and all the bills she has to pay or how tired she is of yada yada yada…you don’t want to be around her. It’s drianing. Being around this kind of woman will zap the energy right out of you… if you let it. Now picture the woman who smiles for no reason at all, enjoys her own company, laughs whole heartedly, dresses up just because she wants to, does whatever she wants, speaks positively and overall enjoys her life…she draws you in. She’s like a breath of fresh air. Choose to be that breath of fresh air. Choose to enjoy that breath of fresh air. I most certainly have, and I feel rejuvenated. I’m learning to let my joy seep from the inside out and not the outside in.

I’m so self absorbed (not in an arrogant way) right now that all the things that once mattered, no longer bothers me. Like sex… (lol)! My ‘high’ feels better than having sex with an unsuitable partner. So imagine what it’s going to be like when I do choose ( remember: when you have it together, you’re in a position to choose not be “chosen”) a man to be in a relationship with again….one word…FIREWORKS!!! And I don’t just mean in the bedroom. The man that wins me will have a woman with a thirst for life, no baggage from past relationships, no bullshit, neediness or immaturity…and most importantly no sandwiches for dinner, now that I’m in the kitchen a lot more!

6 comments

November 15, 2011

A Little Tube of Lipstick… A Whole Lot of Fun

Okay, so I can’t seem to stop wearing my new lipstick color! I love it! **** sighs and smile**** (I’m rocking it even as I write this blog!) I’ve had a number of women ask me what color I’m wearing, so here it is: It’s Sephora Rouge Cream lipstick R11 Love Test (NARS and Makeup Forever has some hot and similar colors too). I plan on picking up quite a few more fun colors (more shades of pink and red perhaps). I’ve heard a ton of women bitch about not being able to pull off any colors. That’s bullshit, ladies. And to the women who love to shout from the mountain tops about how they don’t wear makeup… shut up that’s your prerogative. Personally, I feel that there isn’t a woman in the world who wouldn’t benefit from wearing a little makeup (if applied correctly). Have some fun! Head to your nearest Sephora or favorite makeup counter (note: their are other brands besides Fashion Fair… do they still exist??? ****crickets****) and play in all the shades you want. You’re bound to find a color that works for you. Have fun with it! It’s nothing to be uptight about…. seriously. Remember playing in your mother’s makeup when you were younger? Yeah? Wasn’t it fun? Well hang on to that memory. This is something to have fun with. The cool thing about Sephora (and I’m still surprised at how many women haven’t been to this store) is that you can actually play in their makeup. They have a tester for everything; perfume, nail polish, nail polish remover, makeup brushes, eyeshadows, mascara, lipsticks, blushes, and the list rolls on. On top of that, if you play your cards right, you can easily get your face made up for free, and of course this is beneficial if you’re new to the makeup world. Just make sure the person touching your face actually knows what the hell they’re doing. I did have to save this one lady from walking out of the store with an ashy face. Don’t be intimidated by sales associates posing as makeup artist, some of them don’t know what the hell they’re doing themselves (this is true). I have me a few “go to” people at some of the stores and makeup counters that I know I can rely on to tell me, “Girl go!” or “Hell no!” Most importantly, just have fun with yourself. It doesn’t even have to be a group effort. If you have a day off and a lot little money to spend, go have yourself some fun! If you prefer to take a few friends along for the ride, that’s cool too. I prefer shopping alone. I’ll usually leave my apartment at ten in the morning and sometimes won’t head back home until six or seven in the evening. And I have to have my Chipotle (a burrito bowl half chicken, half steak please!…ummmm a little more steak…thanks!) or a Starbucks frap (carmel…more caramel, thanks!). I know, it’s bad; not too many people can hang, and I don’t like to be rushed. And I rarely answer the phone because I’m usually having too much fun to be interrupted. Shopping is a high for me. Anyway, I’m definitely looking forward to experimenting with some new colors. Let know what colors you’re rocking. Feel free to post links or pictures of you rocking your favorite lip color, in the comment box below!! ****Sigh*** It’s so much fun being a girl!!

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November 2, 2011

I’m High

I’ve been on a high lately. Not the marijuana kind of high… the happy to be alive, life is fantastic kind of high! The annoying, why is she always smiling kind of high. The “Girl, you must’ve got you some last night” kind of high. The I sold ten thousand books this month kind of high! The I just moved into the Trump Hotel (Chicago *wink*) kind of high. Price tag??… who cares?!! kind of high. My chaffuer just opened my door to my Rolls Royce kind of high. The “Damn, where you jet setting to this time?” kind of high. The “Girl yo body is bangin’ you been working out?” kind of high. The “Daammmnnnnn who Bugatti is that? That’s you, V?” kind of high. The “Oh my God, is that Veronica on the cover of Essence?” kind of high. The I’m just sitting around chit chatting with Tyler Perry and Oprah kind of high. The I looovvveeee my man kind of high.The “Her man loves the hell out of her” kind of high. The I’m in my beautiful home office typing away kind of high. The ‘Hmmmmm, what restaurant would I like to eat at tonight?’ kind of high. The I just checked my bank account and (smile) ‘Oh, another million,’ kind of high. The I’m headed out of the country with my family and close friends kind of high. The I just put out another best selling novel kind of high…. *smile*

I just finished my vision board not too long ago and I’m really feeling it!!!

Oh and have you watched the Secret? If you haven’t, you really should!

My vision board

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September 26, 2011

Life Goes On

I’m dreading going to my “job” in the morning. I use to come up with all kind of excuses as to why I hated my job: Oh it’s boring, oh I need more money, oh it’s the work environment, oh they want me to do this and that… I thought, oh I need a new “job.” And after I finally stopped complaining and listened to my inner chatter, I realized, no, I don’t need a “new job.” A new job wouldn’t make me happy, it would only be a repeat of my thoughts about my current job just with a different company. See, it’s easy to complain and make excuses when you aren’t doing what you love and enjoy. If deep down I envision myself traveling the world and writing books, then “getting another job” wouldn’t be the answer. It would simply be a cover up. It doesn’t align with what I really want. I don’t want to work a job for the rest of my life. I don’t want to retire from anybody’s company. I don’t think a 401K plan would be enough for me to retire with and live “happily ever after.” I don’t want to work until my sixties. I don’t want to slave at a dead-end unfullfiling job and retire when I’m old. I want to live now. I don’t want to wake up everyday and go to a “job” I hate and continuously complain about how unhappy I am in my current position. I don’t want to listen to a boss and their rules. I don’t want to wither away living a life that makes me unhappy, or keep me in a comfort zone. I don’t want to be mediocre. I don’t want to play small. I don’t want to think small because I’m afraid to step into my own greatness. I want to be free to travel the world and entertain people with my writing. I want to get up and go as I please. I want the freedom to do what I want and the only schedule I have to follow is my schedule. I don’t want to live a boring predictable routine of a life. I don’t want to live in a box, or under a rock. I want to live fearlessly and courageously. I want to be an example to my younger siblings. I want them to think bigger, be bigger and not wait around for the “right time.” I want to spend my life only doing things that I love, things that bring me joy. I want happiness to seep from within my body and touch everyone within my realm. I want more positives than negatives and I want the negatives to inspire positives for there is a blessing in every lesson. I want to live a life full of passion and purpose and not be afraid to take leaps of faith. I don’t want to be a part of the rat race, throwing my passion aside, conforming to a “day job” because it seems “safe.” Are you one of those people? You know, the people who say things like, “Yeah, I’d love to do that, but…” Something about limited thoughts and people depresses me. Something about “playing it safe” feels restricted and limiting and I want to break free from that limiting mentality. There’s no security or benefit in playing it safe. I want to be a free spirit, do my own thing and live with no barriers. It’s so easy for people to become living zombies, waiting….waiting to do this….waiting to do that. It’s so easy to let a “job” consume you. It’s so easy to stay within a comfort zone and be content with limiting beliefs and people. It’s so easy to let life pass you by because you were too busy doing nothing. It’s too easy to become discouraged and give up and not try again. It’s so easy to make excuses and defend your weaknesses instead of challenging yourself to be greater than you think possible. I’m inspired by ordinary people who do extraordinary things. I commend all the risk takers, the daredevils, the believers, the innovators, artist, and the people who take leaps of faith.

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