I just had an hour long conversation with a girl I don’t know about a guy I don’t know from a can of paint.
Saturday night I left out my apartment ready to seize the night with my girls and have some fun. I walked to my car and reached into my bag for my keys. I paused. My smile faded along with my star studded attitude. OMG a spider! Anyone that knows me know I can’t deal with spiders. This spider had decided to make a web right in between the driver side of my car and the passenger side of the car next to mine. There was no way in hell was I even going to attempt to kill it and look like a damn fool screaming and carrying on in my cute little outfit if it somehow crawled on me. So I looked around and spotted three guys walking my way. This was my ticket out. Literally. Lord know I would’ve turned around and went right back upstairs and removed my clothes and makeup and called it a night before I went to war with a spider. Call me a bitch. I am. Anyway, I redirected my attention to the guys who were already checking me out, eager to strike up conversation. I smiled and said frantically, “Hi guys, I’m sooooo sorry to bother you, but there’s a spider on my car and I’m scared. Can one of you kill it? Please.” They all chuckled pretending to be all macho. “Yeah, that’s cool, I got you,” one of them said and literally destroyed the web and spider with his bare hands. My hero. “Oh my God, thank you so much,” I answered searching the ground to make sure the spider was gone. After they reassured me I hurriedly opened my door and climbed in, right when my hero asked me for my number. “Uuuummmmmmmmm,” was all I mumbled. “Let me get in the car first, ” I added. I got in, placed my bag on the passenger seat, adjusted my mirrors, put the key in the ignition and started the engine. Even at night it was blazing hot outside. My top was coming down. The top on my car that is. I rolled down the windows first. He was still standing there. Me taking my precious little time didn’t make a difference to him. Damn. Maybe I’ll just say I have a guy. I was hot and in a rush and was hoping the spider hadn’t managed to crawl in my car somehow. Wherever it was. “Hey, what’s your name?” “Veronica,” I said politely and added “thanks for killing that spider for me. I’m such a bitch.” He chuckled. “Can I have your number?” he said with his phone in hand. “Uuuuummmmmmm,” was all I managed to say after looking him over. Not the least bit interested, but it was sweet of him to kill that spider. “Where you headed?” he continued. Now that my windows were rolled down I was ready to back out of my spot. I didn’t feel safe, you know, with the spider and all. “Out with my girls,” I answered putting the car in reverse. ‘”Can I have your number?” he asked again. Damn. Between him, the spider and the heat I was growing frustrated. “Yeah,” I called out my digits. Damn. I should’ve just drove off, said I had a man, or some other lame bullshit excuse. I fucked up. He walked off a happy man. I reversed, relieved to be out of the parking spot. I turned on my radio and plugged my phone up to the car (I can play music on my phone and let it come through the car speakers. Way cool!) and searched for something to get me in the party mood. I let my top down. Then my phone rang which interrupted my music (not cool). I looked down at the unfamiliar number. I looked up and down the street at dude who had caught up with his guys who were now chatting with a group of girls. I ignored the call and the music continued to play (which happened to be “Oh My” by DJ Drama featuring Wiz Khalifa, Roscoe and Fabulous). I drove off and the guy shouted out to me as I rolled past him. I couldn’t make out what he was saying over my music so I turned it down as asked, “The 5-3-0 number…is that your number?” In the company of his friends and the other other chicks he answered smoothly, ”Yeah.” I smiled. “Ok, bye.” I waved and chuckled. I knew I’d be pressing the ignore button from then on.
Fast forward. I received an unknown call today. I rarely receive private calls and I usually don’t answer them, but today I did. “Hello,” I answered. “Yeah who is this?” A woman’s voice asked on the other end. “You called my phone, who is this?” I asked confused and slightly entertained. Reminder: This is out of the ordinary for me. I thought it might be one of my friends bored playing on the phone, but nah. I know my friends and they rarely would call me playing on my phone especially during work hours. Needless to say the other end was silent so I ended the call. My phone rang again a few minutes later. I ignored the call. Then it rang again. I answered it annoyed. “Hello?” “Um yeah, do you buy weed from this (she went on to describe the guy in all his hideousness) guy?” “What?” I asked in shock. “I don’t even smoke. Who is this? Why are you calling my phone?” “Do you know such and such guy?” she asked. My first thought…I’m too single for all this drama. I told her no. I had no idea who or what the hell she was talking about. Reminder: I’m single and I’m NOT messing with anyone’s man. So I thought. She thought differently. She accused me of lying. WTF. Somebody’s man had my number cause she was on the other end tripping. So my mind raced back over the weekend. Hmmmmmmm. Nope. I wasn’t too willy nilly with my number though I had my share of admirers that asked for the digits. She described the dude again and it hit me. Well it didn’t quite hit me. It more like tickled me. Really? Nooooo, couldn’t be. That guy who killed that spider wouldn’t dare have a chick calling my phone over him. He was so….lackluster. That’s putting it nicely. Shame on me for not just giving him an excuse. He actually called my phone twice after the initial call and got the ignore button. I asked her, “what’s his number?” That caught her off guard. I repeated the question. She answered “5-3-0….” I stopped her before she could finish. “Oh my God, can you please tell him to stop calling me.” I begged her. I reassured her she had NOT A GOT DAMN THING to worry about. Hell, I was actually shocked he had somebody that would care enough about him to pick up the phone and call me! I told her me and him NEVER had a conversation (got to be f’in kidding me- he had the nerve to be playing her???). That wasn’t enough for her. She went on to question, how he got my number? Where the “exchange” took place (like he was cold enough to be exchanging any got damn thing)? Asked where Hyde Park was? *crickets.* Pause. Then she asked me…. “are you mixed? You sound mixed?” What the fuck? She went on to explain that she’s not ugly by far. *crickets.* I ended the call in shock. I told her over and over again that dude didn’t have a chance in hell. I didn’t have his number stored in my phone! Hell, I don’t even remember the man’s name. I even explained to her that I was going to send him off as I had successfully done, but she kept on going. After the call with her, guess who text my phone? Mr. 5-3-0 himself. He text asking if someone called me twice. I replied yes and told him I’d appreciate it if neither one of you called again. Yay, I was free. Wait, but then he sends a text saying she got him mixed up with his cousin. I let crickets chirp on that ass. I should have let them continue chirping when he asked for my number. He had the sense to heed my advice and hasn’t responded since. She on the other hand….
She called about three more times. I ignored the first two calls. I answered on the third. She was a woman scorned. I knew what that felt like. You see, I didn’t give two cares about the dude, but who knows how she felt about him. I thought he was definitely not fighting over, she thought he was something worth calling me for. I thought he was not the most attractive guy and looked like he had dirty underpants, she probably loved the hell out of his dirty underpants. I would never answer his calls, she probably sat around waiting on his call. So I answered calmly, “Hello.” She asked, “Can I just ask you one more question?” I answered “sure”. “How much do you weigh? You not heavyset are you?” Damn. She was definitely scorned. She wanted to send me a picture of herself. She asked me what I looked like. I didn’t think that was important. It didn’t matter. What mattered was that she was sitting around ready to do a compare and contrast with a woman she knew nothing about over a guy that probably gave out his number to about three more girls that night. Our conversation went from what I looked like to her being excited and thankful that I took the time to hear her out, encourage her, and not get all argumentative with her, which she was pretty surprised about. She went on to tell me about how men had done her wrong. I listened. She went to tell me she never gets out much. I listened. She went on to tell me about her two children. I listened. She said she was twenty-nine and went on to tell me how her and the guy met. I listened. She went on to tell me how upset and hurt she was. I listened. She let it all out to a complete stranger who she thought was seeing her man. She was hurting. I let her know I understood. I told her not to compare herself to other women no matter what. Since I don’t have any children, I know this is easier said than done, but I encouraged her to get out more. Have a zest for life. I don’t care if it’s going to a bookstore or going downtown for some retail therapy. It could be a walk along the lake, a burrito bowl from Chipotle, reading a good book, playing in makeup, talking with her children, sitting in the park, traveling…something other than sitting around waiting on him. I didn’t encourage her to leave him. I usually seldom encourage such things. Instead I told her she’ll leave when it’s time. I told her not to beat herself up about it. It may be today, tomorrow, next month, next year…but I she’ll leave when it’s over. If it ever ends. People move at their own pace. I told her if she’s hurt, be hurt, if she wanted to cry, cry, it’s okay. She talked some more. I listened. She thanked me me for listening. She apologized for calling me private. Not an issue. I understood. I wished her well, ready to end the call. She thanked me again and said she’d call me later……Uuuummmmmmmmmmmmmm. *crickets*
That damn spider.
